She Loves, She Loves Not

Like Hannah, I have found Eva’s attitudes toward her children interesting throughout the novel.  However, instead of focusing on Eva’s effect on Kevin and on his condition, I would like to focus on Eva herself.  On Wednesday, the class discussed whether or not Eva ever loved (or tried to love) Kevin.  Most members of the class seemed to believe that, while Eva does not possess many inherent nurturing qualities, she does make a concerted effort to love her son.  There are numerous instances in which Eva does, in fact, try to bond with Kevin.  For example, when her son is an adolescent, Eva orchestrates an evening out with him (268).  That being said, why does she make such attempts?  While reading, I gradually came to the conclusion that Eva’s attempts at bonding spew from her desire to be the matriarch of a normal, “happy family.”  Yes, she wants to love Kevin, but she wants to love him because those around her believe that she should; thus, she believes that she should.  This is evident from the time that Kevin is born.  On page 82, Eva writes about that day, “’He’s beautiful,’ I mumbled; I had reached for a line from TV.”  Clearly, Eva is unable to muster motherly feelings herself, so she regurgitates what she knows is socially acceptable.  Later on, after a conversation with Kevin, she writes, “I had got into the queer habit of referring to myself in the third person; I may have already begun to dissociate, and ‘Mommer’ was now my virtuous alter ego” (182).  On page 269, she says, “To say that I wanted, truly desired, to spend all afternoon and evening with my prickly fourteen-year-old son would be a stretch, but I did powerfully desire to desire it.”  These moments further make manifest the fact that when Eva attempts to be intimate with her son, she is, in a way, playing a part; she is emotionally detached. 

         It is obvious that Eva’s attitudes toward her children differ greatly.  As Eva frequently expresses affection for her daughter, she seems to love Celia.  However, it seems (at least to me) that she only “loves” her because Celia conforms to Eva’s idea of the model child.  Eva says herself of Celia, “Maybe in my own terms she was a kind of cheating . . . Celia was plainly lovable” (224).  On page 225, Eva refers to her as a “ready-made child.”  This raises an important question:  would Eva’s attitude toward her daughter be the same if she were difficult like Kevin?    

         It is hard to say with certainty what Eva’s true emotions are concerning either of her children.  However, as I continue to read, it is clear to me that her intentions when deciding to have children were never to share her life and give herself to the family that she created—and this certainly has grave repercussions.